Asking Questions ...

Question ... Daily you face it ... No matter how easy / difficult it is ... and you answer that ... no matter how far/deep you think to do so ... Now, Questions vary from simple yes/no type to complex probling questions (which seek to discover more about what lies behind the initial replies) ...

I am trying here to put my thoughts on "Questions" ... What, When, How and Why part of it ...

Google defines the term as "a sentence of inquiry that asks for a reply" and Wikipedia defines the term as "A question may be either a linguistic expression used to make a request for information, or else the request itself made by such an expression."

When you ask a question, you want some positive reply out of it. Merely, that is the reason, why you ask. Remember, you can not ask same questions to all (friends/relatives). When you ask a question to somebody, you encourage him / her to think himself / herself; no matter how easy/difficult that question is.

In order to find the answer you're looking for, you have to ask the right question. Asking good questions is an essential skill that takes mindfulness, strategy and practice. The bottom line is: few people will help a person who doesn't help himself/herself.

The depth and quality of the question you are comfortable asking somebody will be a reflection of the quality of your mutual relationship. As you become astute(clever/smart) at listening, you realize how much you can tell about someone by the type of questions they ask. When you ask them questions it is an opportunity to show your interest and concern for them.

Feelings can change when a person goes through new experiences. Your questions can be powerful. The way you use questions is important. What are your intentions with asking the questions? Do you have personal integrity? Can you be trusted? How well do you understand and read people? How well do you listen? Your ability to put all these elements together will determine if you are an artist. Effective communication requires more than talent. It involves trust, understanding, empathy and resolution. It is an art that can be learned and developed.

Broadly I classify Questions into 2 categories: Weak and Strong ...

Weak questions are disempowering. They keep your focused on your own ego, your problems, and your shortcomings. Weak questions keep you focused on what’s wrong… on what isn’t working.Yet weak questions are addictive. When you’re in a negative state or situation, you aren’t thinking clearly to begin with. You’re in no position to accurately diagnose yourself.

Strong questions are empowering. They keep you focused on solutions, on what you can control. When you focus on what you can do, you avoid falling into analysis paralysis. Ultimately the way out of any negative situation is right thinking. Wrong thinking leads you in circles. Right thinking leads to action.

If you don’t like the results you’re getting, try asking completely different questions from the ones you’re used to asking. Ask questions that turn your focus towards your goals instead of away from them. Ask questions that allow you to enhance the pleasure in your life instead of creating greater pain.

Asking questions in a group meeting holds many different purposes; main motivation is to enhance the helping process; other being, satisfying curiosity. While curiosity is not itself inappropriate, within a support group meeting questions motivated by curiosity are best kept at a minimum in order to respect members’ privacy and to not impede the helping process. Finally, questions may be used as fillers when a person lacks something to say. When used strategically, questions can get the group back on track again and pave the way for further discussion.

Our schools, jobs and society have trained us well to accept things the way they are. They tell us that nothing will change and it's useless to get a lot of people mad at you. You might get fired. Our bosses don't like questions; politicians don't like questions; our church leaders don't like questions and the questioner is usually seen as a troublemaker. Asking questions at stockholder meetings, political conventions, and business meetings to name a few can bring ridicule, embarrassment or trouble.

Although asking questions can create many problems, it is an act of power. The right question at the right time can be the beginning of a massive wave or support for change. Asking questions can cleanse and heal the land.

So, when you are on the side of asking questions, just think, whether you should ask this; will it anyway hurt the person you are asking; whether, the reply to this will be helpful to you in any way. And when you are on the side of answering the question, always think on the question (think that, you are the one who need to answer this; so don't ask questions on questions instead of answering unless it calls for); answer carefully and that will lead to a good relation ahead ...

Can They Ever Come Back ???

Surprise !!! Headline of The Economic Times read as "Mumbai beggars make Rs 180 cr a year". It explained ...

MUMBAI: They are everywhere in this metropolis: at traffic signals, peering into taxi windows, bedraggled, haggard and breaking into a sudden smile when a few coins are dropped into their palms. And it is these coins, given perhaps out of exasperation or a momentary flash of pity that add up to a staggering Rs 180 crore a year, which is the figure the government estimates that the six lakh beggars here earn every year.

The other day, I was watching the movie "Traffic Signal" and that gave more inside light on this. Actually, there are so called "Bhai"s (Like, Munna Bhai) who get more of those earning and they force the beggars just to make both ends meet. Lot of begging is “commercial” , run by gangs who use children to beg. There are many categories of beggars. Most of them are children, some of whom are used by gangs and coerced into begging. This is commercial begging and many a time, it is the family of the child that gets him into this.

These beggars have their own life there; enjoying every bit as we do being here. They have friends, they have family, they respect their job there, they have feeling within themselves and finally, they have a strong bonding to their lives they are living.

I am sure, nobody try to go there of their own. But, circumstances force them to be in that situation. Sometimes, some of them try to come out of that life; to enjoy normal life and there come, again these "Bhai"s who do not allow them to go out as it might create problem for their survival further. You might have heard lots of poor people were killed by "Bhai"s and nobody cares for the reason. Many a times, the reason would be very simple, that they somehow stopped helping them in their business from the low-end. Even though they want to come out from their scrambled lives, they can not now. I keep on asking the question ... "Can they ever come back !!!"

I see other category in case of people who always desire to go abroad mainly for money-making. They decide they would be staying abroad for about 5 years in which time they would have earned money to settle down in India.

Time passes, eating burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and watching the foreign exchange rate and getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down. They grow family there and finally, when the time is to back to India, children deny. They had started their lives there; got adjusted to that environment; thereby not at all interested to come back to India. Again the same question floats in my mind ... "Can they ever come back !!!".

Both of them have different reasons to get into that situation, have different bonding with their lives, but when it comes to back to normal place/life, the same question comes up and I am still looking for the answer to the question .... "Can They Ever Come Back ?"...

Everything Happens For A Reason ...

I am sure you might have read/heard this line ..."Everything Happens For A Reason". Well, even I have heard this line from lot of people and when I was in the side of listening that and cross-questioning on that... I got the reply..."Look around. It is very clear. You can not understand that, but everything happens for a reason.. Sometimes things happen in a very strange way, and only later you understand why, but not HOW !!!".

It sounded like a convincing answer at least to me; and I dwelled much on the answer and here I am today, putting my thoughts on this ...

Well, having convinced on the head line, me too convinced on the fact that, it is up to us to define that reason within our own lives. Events have meaning because we assign meaning to them. Events only have significance when we choose to do significant things because of them. We all can discover meaning in what has happened to us — seeing such occurrences as gifts, lessons, or opportunities that we might not have been able to get any other way.

The easiest way to convince yourself to this fact is by pretending yourself as the creator of everything that has happened to you. (Well, this could be difficult). When you find yourself in a situation you don't like, ask yourself what you did to make it happen to you. (This could be easier, I guess). Now, you can inevitably come up with something in the past that contributed to your undesirable present. Moreover, hopefully, you can think of something you could have done differently that might have prevented it.

Well, being known of these, the next question is, what can I do now / how does it help me now ? For some people, it may not. Think recursively. Now, ask yourself what you can do today that will keep it from getting any worse; make up for the past error; make it better.

There is almost always something, but it's hard to see unless you look at the problem from a different perspective. Nothing bad happens unless something good is right around the corner.

There are things to worry about; but at the same time there are lots to be happy of or proud of. You don’t miss what you don’t know exists. I have felt unconditional love from my family since the day I was born, granted not everyone is that lucky, but I think everyone should.

Maybe that is what is missing from this society, more love, more unconditional love. I guess some people might think that unconditional love does not exist, but I do believe in it because I have experienced it. I know my family loves me no matter what. I even know that some of my good friends also love me that way. I would not trade this feeling for anything, and I think I am not wrong for expecting complete unconditional love out of the relationships that matter in my life.

Well, I took a different route altogether, but think this with the quote below...

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

Finally, Everything happens for a reason ... ; remember, we have to define the "reason" ourselves and pretend that we are the creator of everything happening to us ...

The Circle... Wonder where it starts !

The Circle ... Let me put some light on the shape of it ... Well, you started laughing ... But think, can we answer where it starts and where it ends ... Probably yes, the point where it starts, it ends there; thereby creating a full circle ...But does it answer the question ?

Now, I remember the old days when my class-teacher had asked us one question; "Where the problem lies" ... As usual, no answer (Well, the questions from him were too hard; beyond our little-mind thinking). The answer that he gave was "The point where a circle starts". I can not forget that line. I always correlate that with the happening of everyday life.

I was shopping few days back in one mall here and thought that line showing its truthness and here I am writing this post ...

I put that line in 2 different thinkings... One, problem could be (Or, can start) at any point in life and second, you got to end where you start... The first one being so simple to analyze, let me put few words on the second...

Ancient times, people used to wear clothes having fur (as that was the only source), then people made clothes of nylon, polyester and so on... got fashion... and see, now the so called fashion reached to such a level that again people started using fur; not because it became available again, but because it is very rare to get; thereby showing self-position and a matter of style-showing. (I see Alisha Chinnai always wearing this !!!). So back to the starting point ...

Now, lets see the case of shoe. (Oops... Did I use the wrong word, at the start of the circle ??? If that is the case, replace that with footwear). People started using this for sheer protection to foot using some wood (Again, that was only available at that time). Then, leather, plastic ..blah..blah.. came up. Hmm, people started again fashion in this regard, and started using again wooden shoes (Different name, made of same material, wood). I see the same in fashion shows... (May be trying to be different from others .. Donno....)

Yes, let me stop here and write the incident, that made me to write this. Well, I was shopping, and saw a shirt which was un-pressed. It was like someone has crunched that piece under his/her feet; well, how can I tell, I discovered, that is the STYLE. Hmm, see again to the start of the circle... Remember the days, when getting a clean dress was difficult task; leave pressing that and wearing... Is the era going in reverse direction then ???

Now, its your turn, you can think in the similar lines ... as do I; Still remembering the line "Where did it start and when is the end ???" OR "Where the Circle starts ???" ...

Life & Friends ....

Life began and going on .... (Took lot of time to know this, though). Just thought of fulfilling its charm and suddenly felt, this is fruitless without someone called "Friend". This post is basically for them and for their Friendship ....

Let me start with a beautiful definition of that...
"Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words..."

I remember, I started discovering this jargon "Life" from my name. Being new to this language, did not know how to spell my name first; dad helped me to do so; brought one paper typed with various names ... Chinmay / Chinmaya / Chinmoy. Now, I was the one to choose one among them. Tell me, what could have I done other than choosing one randomly (Though, kinda simple to corelate with my mother-tongue). So here I am as "Chinmaya" now.

First few years, being selfish to myself, not concentrating on the outer world, spent lots of time in reading books and being happy within family. Thats how, my parents liked me and I enjoyed being with them. No special attraction towards friends other than passing my 2 hours of time (4 PM to 6 PM) for playground excercises :).

Slowly started thinking of others; why he/she is like one-type whereas the other one is just opposite to this. What should I consider as good and what bad. Where is the border or limitation to both of them.

So finally needed a friend, with whom I can discuss the same. And saw this whole life through them now. Somehow convinced that, you should be known of both, though you apply your brain and mind on one while imposing ignorance to the other.

Then time changes, place changes, I move so as my life with friends. Get new friends, have new to newer talks with them and life still goes on... so as my friend list...