Missed First Love ...

It was quarter to one at night when I hit the door bell. My wife opened the door. She had been awake as usual. Waiting for me had become a daily routine for her. Unlike I expected, the house looked normal. I put my laptop on the recliner and went straight into my bedroom, freshened up and got busy with the book - "An autobiography of a yogi."

My wife came in with a piece of cake in her hand. "We waited for you till 9. But it was getting late and your parents pushed to carry on and finish", she said handing over that cake to me. Something stung me deeply for it was my daughter's first birthday. I had almost forgotten that I had a daughter and a feeling of guilt told me that I did not deserve that piece of cake; it felt heavy when the first bite went down my throat.

"Karthik," she used to call me by name, "look at me", she said. I turned my gaze away from the book onto her face. I saw tears in her eyes. "Have I, in the last two years, ever asked you why you come home late every day? Have I ever asked you to take me out with you, even to the temple that you go alone every weekend? Have I ever told you how it feels to attend family functions without you?" I turned back to the book. "Karthik, please look at me, will you? I need an answer today."

I always knew that I would have to face this sometime. "No, you wouldn't understand even if I tell", I replied. "Really? What is it? Please tell me. I know that you agreed to our marriage only because you did not want to disappoint your parents. I know that I'm your wife only for the sake of it. But why should Gaargi suffer because of all this? Doesn't she deserve to be called your daughter? What is her fault?" my wife asked with tears running down. She had never cried in front of me. I looked at my one year old daughter; Gaargi was special to me, for her name reminded me of a very special person in my life.

"Srishti, I am really very sorry. I don't know how to tell all this and I'm not sure how you'll take it. You are not my first love. I had never liked any girl in my life until I met a very nice person who, I decided, would not only be my first love but also the only love in my entire life", my eyes started to fill up, "I can never imagine my life without." "Your mother told me. I know everything but I wanted you to tell", she interrupted. I wasn't surprised; two years is a very long time for a secret to be kept in a family. It looked like she wanted me to somehow raise this and then she started.

"Karthik, have I ever made you feel that I had been betrayed by someone who I thought would be the only person in my life?" Her question confused me for a moment, 'Is she talking about me?' I asked myself. "He, not you, was the first man in my life and I too had dreamt that he will be the only one ever. But our relationship collapsed after 5 months of our engagement when I came to know that he was already married. My parents were more than broken when they found this out, for they were the ones who had found this person through some marriage bureau. I went into depression and had attempted suicide twice, but somehow survived. See, even God does not want me. So I decided to live on as life takes me, although I knew that I will not be able to forget any bit of it."

It took some time for all this to sink in. I was perplexed.

"Karthik, I know that you too had given all the love of your life to her. I also know that she never reciprocated your love and that she was never ready to accept you as her man even though you were ready to sacrifice yourself for her. But don't you think it should always flow both ways? Don't you think that it is not worth crying over someone who cannot feel your love? Is it fair on your part to ignore someone who is craving for your love and actually deserves it? Look into my eyes. Don't you see anything which suggests that I deserve to be loved by you? I know Karthik, I know that there's some space in your heart that has been made for me. I can see it in your eyes too. When I look into them I do not feel sad that there's a lot of pain in it. Instead I see that part of it which tells me that I'm not completely unwanted. So I ask you the same thing that you had asked her, 'Please give me a chance'. Don't tell me that you cannot love me even a little. I know you do and Gaargi is the proof."

I could not speak more. Srishti too could not. She rested her head on my shoulder. For the first time I kissed on her forehead.

I guess that is what one has to learn. First love is very special. It is something to be remembered for a lifetime but not something for which an entire life can be wasted in grieving over it.

Sometimes you get what you want...

Sometimes you get what you need...

Apologising doesn't mean that you are wrong & the other person is right; It means that you value the relationship more than your ego...

Hey Friend, Please... !!!

Note: All characters in this story are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental :P - Chinmaya

I am very sorry that I did not realize that you did care for me a lot. I remember the day when I did not have any interest in life just because all my past happiness came to an end, life for me shattered and I was thinking I am nowhere to lead a life, you were the one who helped me to get out of that situation and lead a normal life. I did not ever formally thank you for that. I thought we two know each other now so closely that a “Thanks” would sound too formal and that may create problem, however small it could be, in our present relation status. Now I realize that, even in close friendship, we should have respect for each other. I know, I have taken all the help from you whenever I required and now that I am settled little in my new life, I nearly forgot you. Now I realize, I am not good for a holy relation called “Friendship”. I am really sorry. It makes me really insane that I could not value the relation that we had, so silly I am. Forgive me my dear friend, please forgive me. I am no good even to myself now, and I surely can see, how it could have anguished you. But, I know, you are good, you might have continued with your life spreading happiness in other lives. I know, you are capable of that and you have been doing that as you did for me. It was only me, who could not understand you. I took you as granted. Every help and every step towards my good life after the shattering of my past life was with your esteemed help. You did help me without any selfishness and it’s only me, silly me, who had selfishness in every step. I did seek help from you only when I thought; it’s you, who can help there.

Please don’t make me cry… Please say something…
Silence…
Please for God’s sake, say something. Say that I am selfish; say that I am good for nothing. Say that I do not value friendship. Say, please, say…
Again silence…
I know you are so anguished, it is nearly impossible for you to forgive me, but please do forgive me. Without your forgiveness, I can not have this life. I will go back to my old life, don’t know what will happen to me. It was only you who have guided me to this new life, so please just forgive now to enable me to lead this life…
Silence…
Please, please, please….
Silence…
Silence…

Cring… Cring… Cring…; the table alarm clock started sounding… She opened her eye and saw the fan above is rotating in its slow sizzling sound. She did stop the alarm and thought where she was until now, what she was doing late night and when she slept…

It was too late in the night. She was busy in internet and that made time to fly. When she got a glance at the watch that was settled not very far on the same table where her lovely lappy was, it was 2:00 AM. She got surprised that till 2 AM, she is glued with WWW and then the sudden thought of taking a nap came into her mind when she did shut down her lappy and rushed to the bed that was lying just beside the table.

Oh… So, was it a dream? Silly! No, no, wait… It can not be a dream. It is reality of my life. I have done so. What should I do now? Thank God, at least in dream I did seek for forgiveness and I said “Sorry” from the core of my heart. But, he did not reply… How could he, I was dreaming… No…. I have to be real now, It is the time to say in real…

She again rushed to her lappy, started it, logged into yahoo messenger and looked for him… It was 7 AM, and he was not online… Still her inquisitive mind did not stop her to open chat window of him in offline mode. She just cleaned her eyes and started typing all that she wanted to tell him in hurry... With all the eagerness that she was typing there, only tic-tac keyboard stroke sound was coming out of her room while the fan was still doing its job of rotation and rotation around...

A Software Life!

Note: All characters in this story are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental :P - Chinmaya

His father was talking above his usual voice. He was also too happy as his father. Both were seeing no limit to their happiness. His father was telling each known person that his son has achieved something today, and after 3 days, he is going to be called as "Software Engineer". May be his father was recollecting all the moments where his father was imagining him with a good job and in a good profession. And to his father's belief, "Software Engineer" was that kind of profession that his father thought he is suited for.

He was also too happy to get a software job. He had learned from others that he can get good salary and he could enjoy his life as he had wished. Day and night, he was dreaming about his life he is going to live after few days. He met with all his friends in his village, told everybody about his job, his future life style. Friends felt happy too as one of their friends is going to stay in some metro and they saw him as a super-star. The things he wished he will have in the new life are Good Friends, Great working environment, Great city and above that a Great cool life with lots of money!

He was counting the days to go to the metro. For the first time he was going to stay away from home. The high dramatic life at metro that he might have watched in movies had really motivated him to have a taste of same. Countdown came to zero and he is all set to move to the metro now. A big gang of family and friends gathered to see him off at the railway station and in no time, he left all of them and started moving towards his new dream life.

He reached in the metro. Some new friends had come to pick him up from the railway station. He went to the room. When he entered into the room, he could not believe that was the room he was going to stay. It was so dirty, a surely bachelor room in metros! But he was ignorant of the same; he had never seen that much dirtiness in his life before. Then he started to his office, and he had to catch an auto for that. The way the auto drivers were talking was awkward to him. In his village, there used to be mutual respect for each other, and here he learned that everything is just for money. When he refused to give the money that the driver asked for, the driver just scolded and drove away. Somehow he managed to go to office. Several days passed and his view of a software company started changing. He was thinking that all the people will be friendly and he would have a great life there, but eventually he learned that here people live for themselves. Nobody helps others. All were selfish to their lives; it was not the life that he used to live in his village.

With all his expectations going in the different directions, without his notice, he started missing his family and friends back at village. Now he realized that “Grass is always greener on the other side”. When he was at village, he was longing to be here and now that he is in the metro, all his past memories were waving in his mind. He could not find anybody to share all this as he felt, they would start teasing him and they would not understand him.

Finally, he decided to take some days of leave and go back to his home. Again that was a big process to take few days of leave in the software company. Starting from his manager to higher level management had to approve that. After many struggle, he managed to get one week of leave and started for his village.

After 1 day of journey he reached at his village. All people were waiting to see him, as if a super-star was coming to visit them. All were too happy to see him and talk to him. As he approached his house, his father, mother, sisters and little bother hugged him. They were all missing him a lot and after nearly one year they saw him. But they never complained of this long delay as they thought, he is too happy in the metro and he is living a royal life that they can only dream of.

He had just 5 days to stay at village. In the each and every act and in every minute, he started comparing metro life and village life, to himself, not to tell anybody. Now that he had lived both the lives, it was very clear to him, where closeness is, where affection is, where love is and where is helpfulness. When he went to Raju chacha’s shop (barber shop), Raju chacha became so happy to have him as a customer. He gave little more money to what he used to give when he used to live in village; still it was too less as compared to metro price. He told all great twisted stories of metro to all his family and friends so as to give them a impression that he is leading a great life in metro.

His return time had come and he had to go back to his metro life which he did not wish anymore. But he did not want to tell that to all. He pretended to be happy to go back to the metro. As he was stepping out of his house, his mother kissed him and said "Take care my son". As he replied, “Surely, you too…”, few drops of tears rolled out off his eyes and he just told in his lowest voice “This 5 days were the greatest days of my life” and he left… All family members stood there surprised, as the last few drops of tears had told every truth of him to all of them... !!!

Love or Attraction?

Note: All characters in this story are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental :P - Chinmaya

For the first time, she was going to be out of her home. She was accompanied by her father to the college admission. In home, she was living a restricted life, never she was allowed to go out with friends for picnic, not for movies too. Always being alone in home, she was really longing for a free life. And once she joined the college, where she had to stay in the college hostel, she was happy thinking that she could live a life that she was longing for a long.

Her father left her and she started going to her hostel with a heavy smile. She was so happy that she rarely was able to see what was going on beside her. As she was passing through the cricket ground, she felt somebody had fallen on her and she too had fallen down. He was a great cricket player and while he was aiming the ball to have a super catch, he did not realize that he was bumping into her.

They both got up, totally forgotten by that time, just 1 minute past life that they were in. Their eyes met, their heartbeat started increasing, they could not understand what was going on. He almost forgot that he was playing cricket and the screams all over the ground brought him back to reality when he said "Sorry" to her and started to leave. When she came into reality, she found herself being too angry on him and she looked for something to be done as the revenge. A paint vessel caught her vision, she took that and threw on him. His shirt became filled with that paint! He shouted and in return she just told, "You are the first to do!, okie??"

Days went by, both were remembering the same incident every time, a kind of attraction started between them. Then college life started, both of them got lot of friends with whom they started sharing this incident. Their friends took this matter as a sure and crisp way of teasing and leg-pulling. Slowly, they made realized that they were in love with each other, but they were not ready to believe this. How could that be love? Was that just an attraction?

The million dollar question that both were having was "Is this Love or Attraction?"...

They started finding chances to meet alone, they talked a lot, they shared a lot. Once they asked the same question to each other, "What do you feel? Is it Love or Attraction?"

Boy: What is Love according to you? How is it different from Attraction?
Girl: Love is long-term and Attraction is short-term?
Boy: So simple?
Girl: Yes, when I am with you, you think of me and when I am not there with you, you don't think of me, so just attraction only. No Love.
Boy: How can you say that? I mean..., I may think of, I mean..., it can be love too.
Girl: Sure?
Boy: You tell me a way, where we can confirm our love over mere attraction?
Girl: OK, let us do one thing. In the 5 days holidays, when we both go to our homes, let us try to count how many times we missed each other. Okie ?
Boy: Sounds like a good idea. Ok, fine, See, I will win.
Girl: Lets see...

Both were gone for holidays... They were not living in the present, they were just living in the past. All past memories were flowing in their minds and they were counting all these moments.

They met again after the 5 days break.
Girl : So, how was the counting going?
Boy: Great! For you?
Girl: Great too. OK, now tell me, what is your count on first day?
Boy: You tell first...
Girl: You first
Boy: You.
Girl: OK, 4321
Boy: Only 4000!
Girl: So, yours ?
Boy: 5000
Girl: OK, second day?
Boy: Yours?
Girl: 6000
Boy: 7000
Girl: 8000
Boy: 9000....
Girl: OK OK stop now. I think, Love is confirmed!
Boy: Yes, Love is confirmed. What next?
Girl: What next!
Boy: Something should be special, right?
Girl: What special? OK. This Sunday, we girls are going for outing! Will bring Gift for you...
Boy: Sunday...! Gift...! Ha ha !
Girl: What happened ?
Boy: I will give special now only.
Girl: What?
He just went near to her ear and whispered "I Love You"... [:)]

The missed call ...

Note: All characters in this story are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental :P - Chinmaya

She was waiting for the call. It was almost 2 months that she did not get any call from him. Suddenly, to her surprise, the phone rang. There was no limit of waves of happiness in her, but as she approached the phone, it stopped ringing. The caller ID though proved that it was only him who just called, but they failed to talk again.

They had stopped talking to each other for no reasons, no quarrels... Without anything happened that they could associate to be the reason of that, there was silence in their lives. Both were missing each other badly, but each of them wanted to see if the other would call even if he/she did not call first. Nobody called, but the other was still believing that he/she would surely get a call.

But when that belief was fading in her mind, came this moment when she got a call, but phew!, she could not talk to him. She kept cursing herself as why she was late to pick the call. Now that she missed the call, Was she going to call him again and ask what was the reason of his call? May be, he had nothing to talk and he did not dare anymore to talk as the silence between them had really created a long distance that they needed to think a lot before uttering a single word. Lot of things popped up in her mind, some good and some bad remembrance of the past. And that made her more disturbing. At the same time, he was too disturbed thinking why she did not pick up the call at the first few rings, was she still ignoring him, did she not like to talk to him?

Distance grew and they became more disturbed day by day...

Friendship or Love?

Note: All characters in this story are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental :P - Chinmaya

There was a guy who loved his family and friends so much… He was innocent, immature and always believed that life is so beautiful to live. He was enjoying his life with his friends. He was always ready to make friends but never thought about LOVE. Actually he did not want to hurt any girl as he knew he could not fulfill his commitment as his parents would never allow such relationship and for him, his family meant a lot. But he did not know that “Love can’t be done, it just happens”…

One day he met a girl who really cared for him and understood his feelings. With the time, they became very good friends and on the path of the strong relationship they shared, one day she proposed him. He refused as he did not want to do such things and also decided not to talk to her. But somehow their conversation began and the girl told that they would remain Friends Forever. He agreed and talked to her as he talked earlier…

He did not realize; but slowly he was also falling in love with her… The sweet river of love started flowing in his heart… He started seeing the girl in some other position; he wanted to give all the happiness to the girl…

Later he realized and proposed her one night while they were exchanging messages. She did not say anything. But the instinct of listening “Yes, I love you too…” kept him irresistible. He could not sleep that night… Again, next day, he asked the girl. She replied, “Now, I don’t have such feelings for you… You have changed now… You are not that boy now… I don’t see you in that view anymore…”

Tears rolled down from his eyes, but he could not say anymore… First time in his life, he cried for someone. He also wondered how such feelings can be changed soon and a lot of questions were arising in his mind, but he did not say anything to her as he did not want to force her for loving him….

Somehow he consoled himself and reminded his favorite quote “Everything happens for a reason; God has reason in whatever He does”... He had very positive attitude towards life and always believed that God was always with him… He did not show his sadness to others, in spite of being so lonely, so sad from his heart… Still, he did not have any complaint towards that girl; in fact, he was thankful to her for introducing the realities of Life to him… Now he had come from the world of dreams to world of reality of life. Now, he was more focused towards his aim in life… He accepted her only as his very good friend. But somewhere in his mind, the questions are the same….

Days went by and they lived as very good friends ever after ….